CRIME AND PUNISHMENT:

Oh man, another MLK Day come and gone and this year's party was even more out of control than last year. There was food and drink, the music was loud and bumping and the girls were… okay well, the girls were nowhere to be seen, just like last year… and the year before that, place was pretty much a sausage-fest. But we still had fun. And by we I mean I had fun since it was just me alone in my living room with a 26 year-old boom box, a bottle of Peach Snapple iced tea and a bag of Fritos. So the sausage-fest really only had the one link. But it was out of control like I said though, the neighbors complained and everythjing. Mainly because I left the blinds open and they all have young children who shouldn't be exposed to such a pathetic display of loneliness.

But look, I didn't come here to bring you down with my tales of sadness. Came here to talk about something that's on my mind, and with yesterday being the day we celebrated the life and works of Dr. King… honestly that had f@%k all to do with any of it. Now I don't wanna get off on a rant here… bullshit, of course I want to, it's what I live for. That and the thrill of opening the seal on a fresh new soda. Makes that "Pssssshhhht" sound. Oh man, that's livin' right there, I'll tell you what.

A heck of a human being and my
personal grooming inspiration.

I'm here to talk about my man, Wesley Snipes, currently serving a three-year sentence in the McKean Federal Corrections Institution in Pennsylvania for tax evasion. Why Wesley Snipes? Well I caught Jungle Fever the other day… the movie by Spike Lee. I didn't catch the real fever and help some white girl get back at her daddy, that's not what I'm about these days. But in my youth… yeah, still nothing. No rebellious snowflakes for young Ronny. So anyway I watched the flick, watched Mr. Snipes and his co-star Annabella Sciorra navigate their way through the racial minefield that was Bensonhurst, NY circa 1991. Film gets to the end, Halle Berry in her first acting gig stumbles about as a crack whore, offers to wash Wesley's junk in her mouth for $5. (Had Oscar written all over her even then.) Credits roll and I flip channels, land on E! Network and catch some story about Lindsay Lohan and my first thought was: Wow, I wonder how much she's charging for junk wash? But then my next question was: How the hell is she walking around free when Snipes is still in jail?

Now Snipes got hooked for tax fraud or evasion or something that basically means he made millions and Uncle Sam didn't get his cut. Lindsey Lohan got arrested twice for DUI, made multiple court appearances, violated her parole several times and is just a plain awful wreck of a human being. But still, she only saw the inside of a jail for thirteen days. And that wasn't even one stretch. Those thirteen days were all totaled over various stints. Meanwhile, Snipes is looking at three hots and a cot for roughly 1082 days more than Lohan got. That bitch put people in danger… twice! And has yet to stand up and say "Yeah, I did that shit, sorry." Whoever died from tax evasion? M.A.T.E. (Mothers Against Tax Evasion) exists in only one place on Earth, and that's in this f@%king sentence!

And of course Lohan's not the only celeb out there getting off light. Seems like they all do. Keifer Sutherland, Paris Hilton, Mel Gibson, Shia LaBeouf, Heather Locklear, Ty Pennington and Mötley Crüe front man Vince Neil are all celebs who saw little to no time for a crime that could have potentially taken lives. And Vince Neil did take a life back in '84 when he got drunk and wrapped his car around a pole and killed a fellow singer on a beer run. Yeah, drunk as shit and looking to get even drunker. Served just 30 days for that and then got caught again in recent years and served another 15 days. HUH?

And lest you think that I'm saying it's a racial thing going on here, oh no. Charles Barkley, The Office star Craig Robinson, Vivica A. Fox (My girl!), Michelle Rodriguez and Klhoe Kardashian (She's got a lot of black in her… usually.) are all famous folk of color who simply got their wrists slapped after blowing above the legal limit. Of course now I can see how you would have thought I was going for the racial slant since I segregated the list like that. DRAMA!

Anyway, as further evidence that the whole Snipes conviction wasn't a racial thing, (at least in my mind) is the fact that Survivor winner Richard Hatch served three years back in '06 for the exact same crime. Sad thing is that if it were a race thing, I think it'd be easier for me to take. If racism were the issue then it would be understandable that the situation not make any sense. (Did that sentence even make any sense?) But the truth of the matter is that not paying your taxes is considered a more serious crime than getting blitzed, climbing behind the wheel and possibly turning your car into an engine of death.

Now my research (Wikipedia) has shown me that the big difference here might be that tax evasion is a federal crime and drunk driving is prosecuted on the state level. Therefore places like California can make up their own rules to give preferential treatment to celebrities. In that case I should be talking about other federal crimes like dog fighting, which Michael Vick was convicted of back in 2007. He got a 23 month sentence, spent 19 in jail and served the rest of his time at home. How nice. It's bullshit, but still nice.

Because of that glaring bit of injustice, since Uncle Sam apparently cares more about getting his money than he does about animal cruelty, I'm starting the campaign to free Wesley Snipes from the Man's bullshit system!

Although with CGI anything is possible.
So who knows?

That's it, that's the whole campaign right there. I made the graphic, posted it, what more can I do? That thing represents the blood and sweat and tears of seven minutes of my life! More than that I cannot do for Mr. Snipes, there's nothing left for me to give.

Whew… told you I liked ranting. But I'm done now, ready to get down off my soapbox. If someone could just maybe help me down? Kinda high up here and I don't want to fall or nothing. Anybody? Please? Ronny's scared!