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| AW HELL NO! |
What? Told you I'd give him up before TV. Well… I didn't rat my TV out to the law, did I? Besides, screw Darryl, serves him right, not giving me an iPad… the jerkhole.
So Hallmark last night was showing Christmas Comes Home to Canaan staring Billy Ray Cyrus as Daniel, a single father and some other shit that I wouldn't know about because I simply did not have the strength to even attempt watching it. Thing was based on a novel written by Kenny Rogers for crying out loud. The guy who gave us the Achy Breaky in a movie written by the guy who gave us The Gambler is not a battle I thought to have a hope of winning. So yeah, ran away like a little bitch on over to the Lifetime Network, normally a haven for movies about women getting beaten with sticks. Well the sticks had the night off and I got this.
So Hallmark last night was showing Christmas Comes Home to Canaan staring Billy Ray Cyrus as Daniel, a single father and some other shit that I wouldn't know about because I simply did not have the strength to even attempt watching it. Thing was based on a novel written by Kenny Rogers for crying out loud. The guy who gave us the Achy Breaky in a movie written by the guy who gave us The Gambler is not a battle I thought to have a hope of winning. So yeah, ran away like a little bitch on over to the Lifetime Network, normally a haven for movies about women getting beaten with sticks. Well the sticks had the night off and I got this.
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| A savory blend of God-awful with just a pinch of Nutmeg. |
Recipe for a Perfect Christmas taught me that you can take any random story that could take place at any other time of year, put a tarted-up Douglas Fir somewhere in the background and you get to call it a Christmas movie. Even if it has f@%k-all to do with the holidays on it's own. But I ain't mad at this one. Actually I'm not sure how I feel about this movie, it was such a mixed bag.
Christine Baranski stars as a mother who shows up in New York City to pay her daughter a surprise visit. Her daughter J.J., played by Carly Pope just got a promotion to be a food critic at a trendy magazine. For her first assignment, J.J. has two weeks to hit several eateries and write a one page review for the next issue. Not one page for each place she visits, just one page about all or some or even just one of the restaurants. But because of drama with her mom, she fails at the task. Bitch got paid full time, over two weeks to go to four or five restaurants and couldn't find time to generate one single page? I have a full time job doing something totally shitty, and in my free time (emphasis on FREE) I've been watching two hours worth of crap nightly and hacking out content for seventeen days straight and she couldn't pump out a single f@%king page in all that time?
It was at that point that I wished this would turn into any other random Lifetime movie and end up with sticks involved. Now I realize this all makes it sound like I hated the movie, but I didn't really. I hated J.J., but not the film because it was about food. There were scenes in restaurants and kitchens and there was really gorgeous food on display, so that went a long way toward winning favor with me. I wound up being conflicted, angry and hungry at the same time. Never a good combination and there's a platter of Christmas cookies in my kitchen that almost paid the price for my state of mind. Would've been ugly if not for a very disturbing plot point. J.J. sets mom up with a local chef who's trying to get reviewed in her magazine. The deal is he takes mom out and shows her 'a good time' to keep her out of J.J.'s hair and his joint sees some ink. So J.J. whores her mom out for some alone time, still can't get a f@%king page written and then, just for shits and giggles. she falls in love with the chef and steals him back. That tragic Greek twist grossed me right out and saved the cookie platter from a horrible demise.
You know what? I said I wasn't sure how I felt about this movie before. Now I'm sure, I hated it. Gorgeous food be damned, the characters all sucked. The whole lot of them needed to get hit with sticks… and stones. Or hit by a truck… hauling sticks and stones… spray painted with dirty names just to make sure it hurt a little more.
What kinda world do we live in where I regret not choosing Billy Ray Cyrus over a movie about food? Lifetime Network, you're the Devil!
Christine Baranski stars as a mother who shows up in New York City to pay her daughter a surprise visit. Her daughter J.J., played by Carly Pope just got a promotion to be a food critic at a trendy magazine. For her first assignment, J.J. has two weeks to hit several eateries and write a one page review for the next issue. Not one page for each place she visits, just one page about all or some or even just one of the restaurants. But because of drama with her mom, she fails at the task. Bitch got paid full time, over two weeks to go to four or five restaurants and couldn't find time to generate one single page? I have a full time job doing something totally shitty, and in my free time (emphasis on FREE) I've been watching two hours worth of crap nightly and hacking out content for seventeen days straight and she couldn't pump out a single f@%king page in all that time?
It was at that point that I wished this would turn into any other random Lifetime movie and end up with sticks involved. Now I realize this all makes it sound like I hated the movie, but I didn't really. I hated J.J., but not the film because it was about food. There were scenes in restaurants and kitchens and there was really gorgeous food on display, so that went a long way toward winning favor with me. I wound up being conflicted, angry and hungry at the same time. Never a good combination and there's a platter of Christmas cookies in my kitchen that almost paid the price for my state of mind. Would've been ugly if not for a very disturbing plot point. J.J. sets mom up with a local chef who's trying to get reviewed in her magazine. The deal is he takes mom out and shows her 'a good time' to keep her out of J.J.'s hair and his joint sees some ink. So J.J. whores her mom out for some alone time, still can't get a f@%king page written and then, just for shits and giggles. she falls in love with the chef and steals him back. That tragic Greek twist grossed me right out and saved the cookie platter from a horrible demise.
You know what? I said I wasn't sure how I felt about this movie before. Now I'm sure, I hated it. Gorgeous food be damned, the characters all sucked. The whole lot of them needed to get hit with sticks… and stones. Or hit by a truck… hauling sticks and stones… spray painted with dirty names just to make sure it hurt a little more.
What kinda world do we live in where I regret not choosing Billy Ray Cyrus over a movie about food? Lifetime Network, you're the Devil!
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