FAST FOOD:

The following conversation is true. The names haven't been changed to protect anyone because I really don't give a damn.

JUANITA (Nathan's Counter Girl): Hi, can I take your order?

ME: (Scans menu board) Um… Yeah, can I have a large order of ranch fries?

JUANITA: We don't have those. We have bacon ranch fries if you want those.

ME: Yeah, but I don't eat meat so I just want an order of fries with ranch dressing.

JUANITA: But they don't come like that… they come with bacon on them.

ME: (Shares a WTF? moment with the woman in line behind me.) Well do they come pre-made with bacon on them?

JUANITA: No, I get the fries over there and put the bacon on 'em and then the ranch dressing.

ME: Okay, just skip that second step and that's what I want.

JUANITA: You mean without the bacon?

ME: Yes, just like that! (Waaaaay too excited to be getting through to her.)

JUANITA: But…

ME: Yeah, I'll pay for bacon ranch fries, just without… you know. Okay.

JUANITA: Um… yeah, okay. That'll be $3.89 please?

True story, swear to God. Happened to me last week at the Clara Barton Service Area on the New Jersey Turnpike. And after all that, Juanita didn't even give me the ranch fries I asked for. Bitch gave me cheese fries instead. I woulda been mad but she had big tits so I forgave her for some reason.

MMMMMMMMM… Tastes like incompetence.