NUMBERS GAME:

If only it were always that simple.

Way back in the day, far enough ago that the year 2000 still held the promise of flying cars, (Still waiting!) I had a friend, kid next door, we'll call him Robert (because that was his name). Robert and I, both lads of around ten years of age got into an argument one day. I remember the argument well, I just for the life of me can't recall what brought up the disagreement in the first place. 

There we were, standing on the back porch of my childhood home, the two of us arguing numbers. See, Robert was of a mind that one plus one equalled eleven, based simply and solely on the way the numerals appear together when written down (1+1 = 11). That's how he saw it. And all my best efforts to convince him otherwise were failing miserable. At ten years-old I just wasn't the master debater I would yet grow to be. (Still not there yet, but that's beside the point.)

We went at it back and forth for at least five minutes when I decided to give Robert a practical demonstration. Pointed out that there was one of him standing there at that moment, pointed out that there was one of me standing beside him. Asked him how many people were on the porch at that moment. Must have gotten through to him at that point, must have shown him the error of his ways and the flaw in his math because he lashed out and shoved me. Rather than admit defeat in the face of fact, (and my superior intellect) he resorted to violence. (Yes, to a child in the 70s, shoving was considered an act of violence. Simpler times people.)

Well I gave as good as I got, shoved him back (Ronny ain't no punk!) and then the shoving match was on until my Godmother, my Aunt Marge who lived next door saw us and hurried over to break us up before actual punches could be thrown. She needn't have worried though, a spirited slap fight is probably as far as it would have gone.

Aunt Marge shooed Robert along home, asked me what started the tussle, I laid the situation out for her and she gave to me these words of wisdom: "Next time just walk away, don't waste your time arguing with idiots." I bring this all up here and now mostly as a reminder to myself because I've been having a lot of idiotic arguments lately. Not to say that the people I've been arguing with are idiots… well not all of them… one of them to be sure. But the arguments have definitely been idiotic and not worth my time, I should know better. Should be listening to Aunt Marge more often. Should just remember that 1+1 = 2 and walk away.

As for Robert, last I'd heard he'd gotten involved with dealing drugs and gotten himself shot a few times. With his math skills it's easy to figure how that happened. Here's a word problem boys and girls.

Robert owes the Columbians $11,000 for some premium product. 

Robert gives them $1,000 plus another $1,000 and insists that it's enough.

How many bullets do the Columbians put in Robert's ass?

Stay in school, kids!