GOT ME STRAIGHT (ROAD) TRIPPIN', BOO!

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OH THOSE WOMEN DRIVERS

I'm a little late posting this one, was gonna put it up a few days ago but I got sidetracked by… something. Don't really wanna say what it was, it's embarrassing and… all right, if you must know it was cupcakes! That's all I'm saying, I'll speak of it no more.

But enough about me and my weakness. Last week out in San Diego, local FOX News sports reporter Ross Shimabuku was suspended without pay for calling NASCAR driver Danica Patrick a bitch on the air. Well, he didn't come right out and say the word bitch, more that he alluded to her bitchiness, said he thought she was a word that began with a B. Come to think of it, he didn't say the word rhymed with witch or pitch or any variation like that. So he very well might have been calling her something else entirely. Bubblehead perhaps? Maybe bed wetter? Just playing Devil's Advocate here.

"So I go up there and take a left? Then another left?
Then another left? And then another… oh this is bullshit!"

Reason Shimabuku said it was in response to an interview Danica gave where she dropped the following quote on a gaggle of reporters: 

"I don't quite understand why when you're referring to a girl, a female athlete in particular that you have to use the word sexy? Is there no other way to describe me?"

Well gee Danica, the reporters weren't talking to any other female athletes at the time, they were talking to you and they were talking about you. But you do kinda have a point. Why would they refer to you as sexy all the time? 

 I mean, I just can't understand it. 

 What would give them that idea? 

Why does a word like 'sexy' come to mind when talking about you? Hmmm?

And those were just twelve out of the first twenty images that came up when I Googled her name. Not even like I had to try.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not condoning what Mr. Shimabuku said and I think he was a word that begins with a D for saying it. (Begins with D and rhymes with Numbass.) But I do kind of understand why he said it, what he was actually trying to say. And when the incident occurred on air, news anchor Kathleen Bade argued Patrick's case. That her attitude might stem from the pressures of being a pioneer in a man's sport. I've spoken here on women's issues before and just as before I want to preface this by admitting I may be speaking out of turn here. But I don't really see how bending over the hood for FHM Magazine helps prove that you can be just as good as the boys. Though I'm not criticizing her for it, not passing judgements or calling her a… whatever. 

"Oh no, don't look at me, I ain't sayin' shit."

But as far as her being a pioneer is concerned… not really. All right, kinda but Janet Guthrie was a true pioneer of the sport. Guthrie was the first woman to qualify for both the Daytona 500 and the Indy 500 back in 1977, five years before Danica Patrick was even born. She blazed the trail Danica's currently driving along by competing with the boys without ever resorting to taking it off for the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. 

No no no, Janet, that's okay, you don't have 
to do that! Well all right, if you really want to.

And before Guthrie, there was professional drag racer Shirley Muldowney who was showing the boys how it was done as far back as the mid-60s. Granted, Muldowney did do a few photo-ops in hot pants and thigh-high leather boots, but so what? It was the 60s, free love and all that bullshit. Plus, she was cool about it! Not like that little crybaby Danica. 

"Boo-Hoo! Why does everyone
keep staring at my tits?"

Well zip your f@%king fire suit as well as your mouth and get behind the wheel already, dammit! Take a lesson from the other women racers out there in the field these days. Women like Sarah Fisher, Ashley Force, Sloan Henderson, Erin Crocker, Leilani Munter… and… and… 

That would be Leilani Munter right there.

I'm sorry, I lost my train of thought for a second. And my pants. In retrospect, using the public library's computer to post this was probably a mistake. Should really wrap this up before security gets here.

To be fair, I know it's been a few years since Patrick's last sexy photo shoot. She is trying to change her image and be taken more seriously as a race driver. Good for her. But she just has to realize that it's not so easy to get the shit back in the horse. And unfortunately, as Leilani has been kind enough to show us, other female athletes are keeping it plenty sexy. (God love them for that!)

A good next step for DP might be to hook up with a new sponsor, because GoDaddy.com is really not helping the cause. My humble suggestion: Vagisil. Spend a couple racing events walking around with the logo of America's #1 sour patch remedy plastered on her back and sexy flies out the window. Guaranteed.

KILLS SEXY DEAD.