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| Less camel-toe, more thigh meat… just like it ought to be. |
But even that nod to the classic character is ruined moments later when she — I shit you not — kills a guy by spearing him in the throat with a lead pipe. To be fair though, he kinda had it coming, I mean he was shooting at her. What was she supposed to do, block the bullets with her bracelets? That's so 43 seconds ago. (I f@%king hate those phone commercials!)
There's also a scene where she tortures a guy to get information out of him rather than just use her patented magic golden lasso of truth on him. It was almost as if David Kelly had never seen or heard of the character before he made this thing. But then he did manage to stumble into an area that's been a big part of the Wonder Woman mythos for over two decades now… the inevitable discussion about her status as a role model for little girls.
Now I may be speaking out of turn here since I'm not a woman nor have I ever been a little girl, no matter what my high-school gym teacher might have said to the contrary. (You climb the f@%king rope Coach Callahan!) But why does that even have to be an issue these days? It's been a while now but I don't recall Lynda Carter hemming and hawing over boosting the self esteem of our nation's impressionable angels back in the 70s. (My God, has it been that long?)
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| "It doesn't even matter that I have nice eyes, does it?" |
I just remember her being stuffed into that star-spangled sausage casing and kicking ass on a weekly basis. Because that's what super heroes do and that's what Wonder Woman is. And she's not just a super hero, she's one of the big three, one-third of the super heroic holy trinity. Ask any average (non-geek) asshole on the street to name three super heroes and like nine times out of ten the answer's gonna be Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman. Results will vary if you ask a comic fanboy the same question. Then the answer will most likely be Wolverine, Wolverine and Wolverine. It's like a cult or something.
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| "I'm right there at #4 though, right? Hello? Anybody? It's me… Aquaman." |
Well Superman's writers aren't concerned with his being an inspiration to little boys, he ain't got time for that. His dance card's pretty full what with rescuing cats out of trees, pissing on volcanos and pulling Lois Lane's silly ass out of whatever situations she gets into. (Doesn't even get a handy-j for his troubles.) Likewise with Batman, he's too busy brooding over the death of his parents that happened when he was like eight. (They left you a couple trillion dollars, buy yourself some happiness and move on Bruce!) He doesn't give a shit about inspiring little boys unless he can bring them home and inspire them to dress up in tiny green tights. (That is just so wrong.)
And black super heroes both male and female are too concerned with the on-going fight for recognition and market share to be examples of anything. Besides, that's what Barack Obama's around for.
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| "No really, we're the good guys! Quit screaming!" |
Same should be true with the Amazing Amazon. Don't waste time fretting about the My Little Pony crowd, just go do super things. Because really, if little girls are looking to a fictional character as a life coach while we've got women commanding space shuttles and running for President, then they kinda deserve to end up like Tanya Collins. Tanya was this little girl in my neighborhood back in the 70s. (God I am old!) Seems that Lynda Carter had inspired Tanya to let Billy Jefferson shoot BBs at her one day because she thought she could stop them with the bracelets she made out of Dixie Cups and tin foil. No, he didn't shoot her eye out, but she did catch one up the nose which was pretty awesome. Guess I should feel kinda guilty about having been the one to talk them both into doing that. I don't, but I feel as if I should so I'm not a total monster.
I need to look Tanya up, that chick was fun.
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