ENOUGH ALREADY!

Another batch of random thoughts this go round, don't have the attention span to stay on one subject too long today. But there is a theme, this time we're talking — or at least I'm talking — about stuff that just needs to go away. Trends that I feel have hung around a little too long and need to be taken out behind the barn and put down like Old Yeller. And no, I've never actually seen the movie, but I've heard things and it sounds like a feel-good comedy the whole family could enjoy. Spoiler Alert: Old Yeller was dead the whole time.

Gonna start off with a subject very near and dear to my heart. (And yes, contrary to what the Old Yeller comment might have led you to think, I do have a heart.) College football, or more to the point, college football uniforms. Used to be a time long ago (like five years) when two uniforms was all a team needed. You had one for home games and one for away, that was it. As long as the school's colors were represented correctly, you didn't worry about much else and an occasional stripe here and there was considered pushing it into girly-man territory. Now thanks to companies like Nike and Under Armour, schools have to carry fashion consultants and wardrobe crews to dress the players for the games. All the outrageous colors and patterns running around the gridiron these days, it's enough to make dearly departed coaching greats like Bear Bryant, Woody Hayes and Bo Schembechler rise out of their graves and… Well, would it really matter what happened next? I mean, zombie football coaches, isn't that concept awesomely frightening enough?

Knocked-up celebs stripping down to show their baby bumps on the cover of a magazine. When A-lister Demi Moore did it first on the cover of Vanity Fair in back 1991 it was shocking, scandalous, pushed the envelope, broke the boundaries and all that stuff. Since then stars like Cindy Crawford, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera have diluted the phenomenon to the point where twenty years later, C-lister Nia Long doing it on the cover of Ebony, not so much any of that other stuff anymore. Time to put the mommas-to-be back in their stretchy pants and put this trend to bed because I am not prepared to stroll down the supermarket magazine aisle and catch a glimpse of Snooki's swollen baby flume on a future cover of Rolling Stone. You know that shit's possible!

Sliders. I'm probably in the minority on this one, but tiny hamburgers are just stupid, unless they're being passed around at a cocktail party or eaten by toddlers… or midgets. (Had to be said because you know you were thinking it.) Except tiny humans aren't the ones consuming the things. They're being ordered three, four, even six at a time by full grown adults because apparently, actual burgers are too much trouble, what with the using two hands and the heavy lifting involved in getting it up past the chin. Whew, that's like work or something.

And can we please, as a society, for the love of God stop using the phrase "That's what SHE said"? It's had its day. Now that day is done. Let it die with dignity. Or at least, what little dignity it had to begin with.

This last bit's not actually a gripe, just that this photo I saw of married Crocodile Dundee stars Paul Hogan and Linda Kozlowski at home in Australia made me sit up and say… DAMN! I know that time is only kind to a rare few of us, but it appears to be really hard down under.

"That's what SHE said!"

Sorry, couldn't help myself. Last time, I swear.