…Columbus sailed the ocean blue. Then… something something something… the Nina, the Pinta and the Pacific Princess, yadda yadda yadda… long story short, he "discovered" America.
So I'm like a day late with this one, (more like two really) but it's cool since I'm not actually here to talk about Christopher Columbus. Although, I would recommend you look up some of the real text on that guy's history and not rely on the sanitized stuff you learned in second grade. The straight poop on his trips across the briny deep involved looting gold and taking slaves from the West Indies among other atrocities. So, you know… hooray for him, he gets a semi-holiday!
But Columbus Day got me thinking about the Indians… yes, I know that Native Americans is the politically correct way of referring to them, but that's like eight extra letters to type, plus a space and I'm real tired so screw it. I got to thinking about the Indians and how things were cool with them and all back in the day, before Columbus just dropped by and killed the party like Andy Dick showing up at… anywhere. Granted, he didn't do all the damage by himself, (Columbus, not Andy Dick) others (white people) came after him and did more than a fair amount of bending the Indians over the proverbial hood. And it's still up in the air as to whether the dude was even in fact the first outlander to put boots on the ground or not. But he's the one with the parades and the sales events in his honor so for all intents and purposes Columbus broke the seal on the New World. He thought he was in Asia the whole time but that's beside the point, said I'm not here to talk about him, didn't I? (So why do you keep bringing him up, Ron?) Good call, moving on.
So with their sacred lands no longer all that sacred, things started to go all shit soup for the Indians. At least, that's what my research shows. My research text mainly consisting of Wikipedia and that SCALPED comic book series I mentioned here a few days ago. (Seriously, it's a good read. You should go pick it up. Collected editions available at a comic book shop or book store near you.) Anyway, now here we are thousands of years later (although my figures might be off, I don't do math) and times are still so bad for the Indians that this type of thing is still acceptable.
And yes, there are lots of teams out there, both at the professional and collegiate levels that use Indians as mascots, but to me, the Redskins have always been the worst offenders because that's just an outright racial slur. I'm not going to throw out examples, but you know that crap wouldn't fly with any other group of people. Even though 'Skins ownership has always stuck to the story that the name signifies the respect they have for the Native American people and their rich history and traditions. Well wouldn't you know it, those crazy Indians and their damned pride, they're still taking it as an insult, go figure. But I have a solution, (come on, you knew that I would) an alternative that speaks to another proud and rich American heritage while requiring very little in the way of rebranding. And so, inspired by Jimmy, my good-old boy co-worker, (and a die-hard 'Skins fan, BTW) who just last week, during a discussion on this very topic hit me with such pearls of wisdom as: "Maybe those people should learn to just shut the F##k up and enjoy the game." I give you…
Why hasn't anyone thought of this before? Or have they? Have I just not been paying attention? It happens sometimes, I get easily distracted from one minute to the…
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