Okay, I know, Naughty By Nature is sooooo twenty years ago and the whole O.P.P. thing is long past played out. But I'm talking about the New England Patriots here, (Get it? N.E.P.… see what I did up there?) so it's okay because…THE NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS RULE! Sure that's been mentioned here several times before, don't think there's any need to re-hash that fact. (Kinda did anyway. Oops.) But while I might think that they're currently the best team in the NFL, there are those among you (and you know who you are) who doubt the utter awesomeness of the NEP. And that's fine, that's what America's all about, the freedom to choose poorly and to be wrong. Difficult though it may be for me to fathom, there are people out there making their way in this world under the impression that whatever team they pledge allegiance to is actually better than the boys in red, white and blue. (Pffffft, I know, right!) Even harder to believe is that there are actually people in this world who don't care about football at all. But I don't want to… I can't even talk about those poor lost souls. Just upsets me too much.
Turns out that my friend Jenette happens to be such a person, a Patriots doubter that is, not one of those Godless non-football types. Yet even with that glaring fault working against her, she's still one of my best buds. She would insist I refer to her as my BFF, but since I'm a damn grown man and not a high school girl circa 2006, I'm not gonna do that. And yeah, my best friend's a woman, you got a problem with that?
Wait… where was I before I went and got all defensive? Oh yeah anyway, plagued by issues that must stem from her childhood and clearly affect her judgment, seems Jenette was actually crazy enough in the belief that her team, the Dallas Cowboys (snicker) could best my Pats, that she had the audacity, the temerity, the chutzpah, the very balls to place a wager on the outcome of the game that the two teams played just this past Sunday.
Now any of you who were lucky enough to have seen the game know how that turned out, so I won't bother with a recap of how TFB (that's Tom F##king Brady to the uneducated) led the offense of the NEP down the field with under two minutes left in regulation. Won't go into detail about how with twenty-two seconds left he delivered a touchdown strike so perfect and glorious that it would make one believe in miracles if it weren't for the fact that he does it so often that it ceases to be miraculous and almost becomes mundane. (Even still, I'm actually tearing up a little just thinking about it.) And while simultaneously securing the win and driving a dagger deep into the heart of Texas, TFB also earned me a plate of pancakes.
"Wait… what the… pancakes, Ron?"
Yes, the bet was for pancakes. What, I'm going to risk real money on a football game with a double-dip recession hanging over our heads like a smog bank over Los Angeles? Hell no! Homemade pancakes with a side order of humiliation, that's what was at stake, riding on TFB's shoulders. Not only is Jenette obligated to make me a stack from scratch, not only will she have to wear some form of Patriots gear while she does so, but it will be filmed Food Network style and uploaded here for my first attempt at a video post. So be sure to check back soon and share in the spectacle. You can't share the pancakes though, those are gonna be all mine. As will the subsequent gastric distress that will most likely result from eating them. Jenette's not so good with a stove. WTF was I thinking?
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