COUNTING MY BLESSINGS

Well it's that time of year again. Been marking my calendar and it seems there's no getting around it, time for my annual prostate exam. But that's not why I'm so excited. Or is it? (AWKWARD!) No, I'm excited because it's Thanksgiving! By far the bestest holiday ever created by whomever the hell creates holidays. Anyone know who that might be by the way? I used to think it was God, but then the advent of Black Friday just killed that notion. What's that you say? Black Friday's not a real holiday? My wife and her crazy-ass bargain-hunting girlfriends might say otherwise. And they have… to my face… with hurtful words. (So mean.)

But a mere twenty-four hours before that unholy day of wanton avarice there's Thanksgiving, and Thanksgiving is awesome! Better than Halloween with its government sanctioned panhandling, better than Christmas with its faux good will, better than Arbor Day with its… um… that's about trees, right? Whatever. Thanksgiving trumps them all! A wonderful day for food, a day for football, a day for… something else I'm having trouble remembering. Think it starts with an F as well… right there on the tip of my tongue. Oh well, probably not important anyway. 

One tradition that goes along with the whole deal is to give thanks for the stuff that you're grateful for, the people and things in your life that make you happy. I really shouldn't have to tell you all this, it's right there in the damn holiday's name for the love of Pete. God, it's like I gotta hold your hand or something. And since you're here and I've got your attention, I figured I'd share with you a few of the things I'm appreciating this year.

At the top of my list is my family, because without them I'm pretty sure there'd be a shitload of regrets in my past and more than a few violent acts in my future. Maybe a missing hooker here and there along the way. Wait, family… YES! That's the thing that goes along with food and football! Whew, glad I figured that out. Seriously though, they keep me grounded, they keep me centered, mostly they keep me out of prison. 

Family trip to the big city. That's me on the far right.
God, look how thin I was back then.

I'm thankful for my friends. They put up with me when they don't really have to and that means a lot to me. I'd say more but after just talking about my family I'm already kinda choked up. Keep going the way I'm going, talking about the best friends a guy could have… I might get a little more… (choke) and then there'd be tears and… (sniff) and… excuse me a minute.

On the couch left to right that's Hammerhead Johnny,
The Dish Man and Titties P. McButter.
Yeah, my friends are imaginary, so what?

Making the world safe
for my Inner Child.

Okay, I'm back. Let's move onto things a little lighter in tone, try to keep it from getting anymore weepy up in here than it already is. Comic books are a pretty safe subject, so I'll go there. I'm thankful for DC Comics and their line-up of 52 new and revamped titles. (Or The New 52 as they've dubbed it.) They've made comics fun again and made Wednesdays (new comic book day) something to look forward to once more. I've missed that. Like back in the day when I was a kid and my dad would take me to the newsstand to buy me an issue of Superman or Batman. He'd get himself a soda and he'd buy me one too and… and… (sniff) What the hell's wrong with me? Excuse me another minute.

Of course I'm thankful for Tom F@%king Brady, but that one goes without saying. Or at least it would if the bylaws of the Church of TFB didn't require me to actually say it publicly at least once every fortnight. Regular readers might be sick of hearing me talk about him, (YES WE ARE, RON!) but I've got obligations to keep… and he's always watching. On the bright side, only one more blood sacrifice before the next full moon and my membership dues will be paid up through the year. So I've got that going for me.

Boobs! Thankful for boobs! Not ashamed to admit it and half the sites on the Internet tell me that I'm not alone. 

I'm thankful to the cast of GLEE for using  their talents to make the world a better place through music and the joy of song. Nah I'm just kidding with this one, that show sucks, fuck those assjacks! Notice I actually dropped the F-bomb there rather than my customary use of symbols. That's how much I hate them. (Forgive me, Mother.)

Jazz hands. That just can't be good for America.

Lastly I'm thankful for YOU, the reader. Whether you're one of the people I'm lucky enough to have as a regular visitor, or a first timer recommended here via link from a friend, or even if a search engine led you here by mistake during your quest for porn (that's why I put boobs on the page). As much as I love to write, it means even more to me that someone would care enough to read it. And for that I'm truly… truly… (sniff) Aw come on, not again! 

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYBODY!