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| "Shhh… it's okay. It'll only be weird if you make it weird." |
Seems Day 5 kind of hit a snag in the whole 'holiday' film theme. Thought the Hallmark Channel was all about the season with their programming this month, so I never even bothered to read the on-screen guide info this time around. I mean, look at the picture… right there… over there! Looks Christmasy with it's diffused glow and twinkly edges. So I trusted them, just took what they put in front of me, drank it down and when I came to my senses nearly an hour later I realized things were happening that I hadn't wanted to happen. Hallmark slipped me a roofie!
But like I said, it was nearly an hour in before I realized I'd been duped. Easy mistake to make seeing as every commercial during the broadcast was for Hallmark cards, Keepsake ornaments, wrapping paper and party supplies. Hell, sitting through all that alone constitutes a holiday special. Plus, there was no way I was gonna put on the brakes and find another flick to watch, effectively adding an extra hour to the pursuit. Besides… I kinda liked this one, it gave me the warm fuzzies, so I'm keeping it, it counts because I say it counts. My blog, my suicidal quest, my rules and if you don't like it you can get the hell out of here just like your tramp of a sister and go live with that deadbeat boyfriend of hers down by the… Whoa! Sorry, flashback. Suddenly it was like I was 5 years-old again. Good times.
The movie in question was Mitch Albom's Have a Little Faith. You'd have already known that if you'd looked at the damn picture up like I told you to. But you didn't, did you? (You people never listen.) Another film with the author's name tacked onto the title. That's my new dream in life, to have a movie made of something I've written so that my name appears above the title. Don't think you're gonna be seeing Ron Savage's Some Mother F@%kers Just Need To Be Stabbed on Hallmark anytime soon though, but we're in talks… I've sent them stuff. They've written back… or you know, their lawyers have. It's a start!
Bradley Whitford of The West Wing fame (Best. Show. EVER!) gives a pretty wooden performance in this one as the titular Mitch Albom in a true story that begins when his old rabbi comes to ask him to pen his eulogy. Now the rabbi, played by Martin Landau isn't dying at the time, no more so than any other 82 year-old man, he just believes in being prepared. From then on the movie bounces around between different time periods and locations like the frakkin' Tardis. (See what I did there? Battlestar Galactica and Doctor Who references in the same sentence. That's right ladies, Ronny knows what gets you hot.) So over the course of the next eight years, Albom spends time with his rabbi, gets a little closer to God, finds his charitable side and then circumstances bring him into the life of Pastor Henry Covington, played by Laurence Fishburne. It's Covington's role in all this that is the source of the time jumps as his story is told through a series of flashbacks woven within the story of Albom's trips from Detroit to New Jersey to hang out with the rabbi… and I've lost you, haven't I?
Look, I'm not going to say any more about the story except that as confusing as I just made it sound, it is actually quite touching. After I was finished watching it I was filled with this desire to be a better person, let go of some anger, learn forgiveness, maybe help some people, get off the road to the Dark Side. I'm not really going to do any of that shit of course, but the desire was there. Hell, I like the Dark Side, they have strippers. So this movie, while not a Christmas flick, has gotten me more into the spirit than the other four I've seen thus far. And the characters do celebrate Christmas at one point, so I call this one a win.
I do have to mention one minor thing I noticed right away. The production staff did a really nice job Photoshopping Landau and Whitford into old photographs. We've all seen films where a character pulls out what's supposed to be an old picture from like twenty years ago and even though the rest of the thing is cracked and faded, the face of the person is crisp and clean and clearly taken digitally just five minutes before the cameras rolled. So kudos on that. However, any props the art department earned get wiped out by the hair and make-up team for the wig Fishburne had to wear for his scenes from the 80s. Had that man running around the Reagan years with a damn badger on his head, that shit just ain't right. Downright comical actually. We're supposed to be concerned with his battle against heroin addiction but all I'm thinking is: "That damn thing gonna fall off or wake up and crawl away?"
A shout-out also goes to the casting director who had the good sense to hire Fishburne's son Langston to play Henry Covington as a young man in the 70s. Kid was spot on. Too bad they couldn't make it a complete family affair and get Fishburne's daughter Montana involved in some way. But what with her being a filthy porn star now with obvious daddy issues and him disowning her because of her whore-like tendencies, thereby adding fuel to said daddy issues, well probably would have been awkward. Awesome… but awkward. Or AWKSOME as I like to say. Yeah, that's mine, don't even be trying to steal it, I've already contacted Merriam-Webster… and apparently they've got lawyers too. (Brother just can't catch a break.)
So this one was kinda nice, hence the pretty tame review. I apologize for that, but it puts me back on solid ground and ready to tackle tomorrow's challenge. Good thing too because Day 6 is Lucky Christmas with Elizabeth Berkley. God help me, I was fine with her in Showgirls when she spent 90 minutes dancing around naked, licking poles and using Gina Gershon like a Slip 'N Slide. How the hell am I gonna cope with two hours of her fully clothed, hanging stockings by the chimney with care rather than peeling them off her sweaty thighs with shame? What's happened to America?
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