DAY 1:

Operation Chestnuts, condensed version of the rules. You know, in case you weren't here yesterday and don't feel like scrolling down the page. (Ya lazy bastard.) Watching a holiday film every night until Christmas Eve, trying to capture the spirit of the season… yadda yadda yadda… and we're off.


Selection of the day is Holiday Engagement, starring Shelly Long, Haylie Duff and a bunch of other people. 


One night in and I already regret ever thinking this was a good idea. This piece of shit features Shelly Long as a busy-body old bitch of a mom who's so pathetically desperate to plan a wedding that her constant pestering forces her daughter to bring a fake fiance home for the holidays. (Didn't Jennifer Aniston or Julia Roberts already do that shtick back in 1999?) 

With every woman in this ass fog of a film running around, scheming and lying, looking to get married or plan weddings or have babies or just plain crying to have something crammed up in them, this movie actually offended my feminine side. Seriously, I wouldn't be at all surprised to find out that the original title for this thing was 'Spinsterhood Kills'.

The boob tube advent calendar thing hasn't gotten off on the right foot with this one. Maybe tomorrow will bring better choices. Or maybe I'll get lucky and fall eyes down on a pair of fondue forks thus sparing me further agony.

You have failed me for the last time Shelly Long!